Ok, truth time. 3rd kid, and the heaviest I think I may have ever weighed.
I a tubby. I am fat. I am overweight. I am obese.
Now that I offended some of you, grossed out some of you, and had a few of you go "yep, totally understand", let's talk about something.
Weight and body image are two things in my mind. There is the clinical understandings, as in, clinically, I am overweight, no edit that, technically obese. Then there is personal feelings, basically I am a tubby fat lazy bugger. Oh, then a third which is world view and understanding of weight, but I am not getting into that here. While yes I care, I don't feel like putting the energy into caring about that aspect at the moment.
It's really the personal view of weight that I am getting at. And more so, dealing with said weight. I got a subscription that the Daily Burn, an online video sit that hosts work out videos of several types and gives you feedback as you progress. The price is good and being a papa of 3 kids I A- can't afford a gym membership though I really want one, and B-Have limited time and limited flexibility in time.
Videos work for me.
Now the other things that helps me is a special type of self-depricating humor. I call myself names as I work out, swear at myself while I run, basically I am not nice to myself. Now don't get me wrong, I like myself, my mind my philosophy, my spirit. But that layer of fat on my belly and butt and neck, those flabby muscles? No, I don't like those. They are not Me, that are a part of me but not Me. Think of it as a parasite of sorts. It is on me, in me, but not me.
I am not at peace with that layer of fat. I hate it, loathe it, regret it. I want it gone.
Now I have to work. I have to push, try, fight, keep pushing, keep trying, keep fighting. I also have to understand that there are times I will slip, but not to let that slip stand, but to go, well I did that, now lets not do that again.
I am fat. I don't want to be fat. There is only one logical course of action. Eat smaller and better and work out.
We all deal with our bodies our own way. Each of us have our demons to drag along everyday. This is how I deal with mine.
Thanks for reading,
E
