Monday, May 20, 2013

Headboard, queen size, wooden -- A Craigslist ad


I posted this on Craigslist Seattle, under the Free Stuff section on May 19th, 2013.

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/zip/3816560869.html
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I am giving away a queen-bed sized, wooden headboard. It is simple and classic in design. It does have a few wear marks and a hair line crack. No attaching hardware included.

Now, I am not saying this headboard will give you magical loving powers, but let's just say that my life has changed a lot since getting my hands on it. I bought it while on a trip in China. I was walking down a rather lonesome alleyway when I came upon this seemingly ancient shop. The owner of the shop didn't even ask me what I wanted, but looked me over and said in broken English "Headboard". I was confused, but interested. So I bought it. Paid $60 American dollars for it.

Packed it up and took it home. And my life changed. I was able to do things in bed that I have only seen on the internet. Which turns out has lots of porn on it, who knew. I was more flexible, potent, lasting, and I even enjoyed cuddling now to. I went from zero, in fact less than zero, to Hero. I was like a funk bands horn section of sexual power, and if you have ever seen a really good funk band horn section do their thang, you'll understand.

Now, why would I get rid of it? Well, turns out I have these same powers and skills even when I am not in my bed. Hotels, motels, campgrounds, back of the mini-van, the kitchen table, upside down river rafts. I guess, the power of the headboard has passed into me. Now, I can't confirm that it still has the magic, but what could it hurt. Heck if you believe enough, maybe it will have a placebo effect.

Email for directions, I'll take the ad down when it's confirmed gone, unless I am doing the horizontal mambo. In which case it'll be a few hours before I do that.

Cheers

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